Imagine you are 28 years old and you have to move back in with your parents. Chances are you don’t have the money to live on your own and your life is pretty much sucking. I’m sure the line “our house, our rules” is a regular occurrence. What can you do to make the situation not suck? Well if you are Justin Halpern you start a twitter called Shitmydadsays posting random profane quotes that are almost too much to take from your father. The account now has just under 730,000 followers. What’s better than that? CBS just picked up the idea and is going to start a sitcom with it and Halpern has a book deal with Haper Collins. Seems like he’ll have enough money to move out soon, but then all the hilarious quotes stop. I think Halpern will play himself on the show, and become quite the ladies man in the Hollywood scene. I mean, just look at the picture above, it screams Casanova.
Need a teaser of the amazing quotes? Take a look at these gems
Want some more recent ones?
“Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”12:03 PM Oct 5th from web
“Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don’t waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down.”12:41 PM Oct 10th from web
“Just pay the parking ticket. Don’t be so outraged. You’re not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked.”2:59 PM Oct 18th from web
“If mom calls, tell her I’m shitting… Son, marriage is about not having to lie about taking a shit.”12:46 PM Oct 26th from web
“Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn’t invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that.”1:40 PM Nov 4th from web
“Remember this: you’re just a lucky fucking guy. If people start telling you your dick looks bigger, remember that it’s not.”about 5 hours ago from web
Seems like he inherited his fathers wit. Just look at his diagram